The Mourner’s Bill of Rights

Based on Concepts by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

• Your grief belongs to you alone. Nobody else will experience loss the way you do. When seeking support from others, don’t let them dictate what feelings are appropriate or inappropriate for you.
• Talking about your loss is essential for healing. Find people who will listen whenever you need to share, however often that may be, without putting limits on your expression.
• Your emotional responses may range widely during this time. You might experience confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt, or even relief as you process your loss. Some people may criticize certain feelings, like anger, as inappropriate. Pay no attention to these judgments. Instead, surround yourself with those who accept whatever you’re feeling.
• Your body and mind have limits that deserve respect. Loss and sorrow can be exhausting. Listen to what you need physically and emotionally. Rest when you need to, eat regular meals, and resist pressure from others to do activities before you’re ready.
• Sudden waves of grief may hit you unexpectedly. These intense surges of emotion can feel overwhelming, but they’re a natural part of grieving. Connect with someone who understands these experiences and will help you process them.
• Rituals serve an important purpose in your healing. Funerals and other ceremonies do more than mark someone’s passing; they connect you with supportive people and provide a structure for mourning. If anyone dismisses these practices as pointless or excessive, their opinion doesn’t matter.
• Your spiritual beliefs can provide comfort during this time. If faith plays a role in your life, practice it however feels right to you. Spend time with people who respect and share your beliefs. If you’re struggling with anger toward God, seek out someone who won’t judge these feelings of hurt and abandonment.
• Questions about meaning are natural after loss. You might wonder why this person died, why it happened this way, or why now. Some questions will have answers; others won’t.
• Be wary of empty phrases people might offer, such as “It was meant to be” or “Count your blessings.” You don’t need to accept these hollow reassurances.
• Your memories are precious and worth preserving. They represent one of the most valuable gifts left behind when someone dies. You’ll never stop remembering. Rather than pushing memories away, share them with people who want to hear.
• Healing from grief takes time and patience. This isn’t something that resolves quickly. Grief unfolds as an ongoing process, not a single moment. Be gentle with yourself and distance yourself from anyone who shows impatience with your journey. Remember that losing someone important transforms your life permanently, and neither you nor others should pretend otherwise.Retry