Speakers: Maritess Bott and Unidentified Off-camera Speaker
[Music]Off-camera Speaker:
Hey, Maritess. I would love to know more about the dangers of cohabitation.
Maritess:
Yes, no problem. Hello everyone, I’m Maritess. I’m here to talk a little bit about cohabitation.
We recently had a woman come in to talk to me as a prospect, and she was really heartbroken and upset. She wanted to know what her rights were.
To set the stage: she sadly lost her partner unexpectedly. She and her partner were together for 18 years. They lived together for 18 years but never got married.
Okay, so the partner had two children of his own, and she had two children of her own. Fine—you don’t get married. It sounds okay; it seems to be the thing people do all the time. However, here’s the problem when it comes to the world of estate planning and dealing with someone’s passing.
Let me show you an example. We have a scenario where John and Jane have been together for 18 years. They never got married. They each have two kids from previous relationships. The house was always in John’s name. They never titled it in Jane’s name—it was just John’s. Jane continued to help pay for the mortgage, utilities, repairs, and remodeling—everything. She helped pay.
Her name again was not on the title. Unfortunately, when you don’t do any type of planning, the worst-case scenario happens.
So now, fast forward—John unexpectedly dies this year, just a few months ago. Jane is in my office, really upset—crying upset. The house again is in John’s name.
One thing I forgot to mention: John’s children were not on good terms with him while Jane was with him for those 18 years. He barely saw them. I think she said she saw them once or twice; they never spoke to their dad.
So John dies unexpectedly, and Jane is crying because she’s telling me that John’s kids are calling her, saying she needs to get out of the house. They’re asking, “What happened to this? What happened to that?”
Mind you, Jane has lived there for 18 years. All her stuff is in there—her life is in there. She’s asking me, “What happens to my things? Can I do anything about it? Do I have rights to this house?”
And like I said, when you’re not married and you don’t have a will, an estate plan, or anything that spells out your wishes for this house or for your money, the inevitable happens.
I sadly had to tell Jane that she has no rights. She has zero rights to the house. She has no rights to any of the assets held by John. Maybe he had some bank accounts or investment accounts, but if she’s not named as a beneficiary on any of those accounts, she has no rights.
The laws of Illinois say that if you die and you have no will, the people who get your money, your house—everything—are your children, 100%. Not a living girlfriend. The law does not recognize this person.
Yes, there are other states that have what is called “common law marriage,” meaning if you live together long enough, you’re deemed to be somewhat married. But not in Illinois. In Illinois, if you don’t have that piece of paper that says you’re married, Jane cannot enforce any rights to this house.
So she is understandably upset—understandably freaking out—because she has to leave. She’s being told to get out. And of course, she has to deal with these kids who are estranged—she doesn’t even really know them.
Sadly, I see this play out all too often. You have kids who don’t have a relationship with their mom or dad, and then suddenly the parent passes away, and they appear saying, “Hello, I’m here—where’s the money?” They come out of the woodwork. The estrangement—whether it’s two years, five years, ten years—doesn’t matter to them. They hire their own lawyers, they find out their rights, and they get the money.
So the house that Jane has worked so hard to be part of, to help maintain, and to build a life in with her partner, can no longer be hers. She has to leave.
She asked me, “Can I get my things out and change the locks?” Sadly, technically, she can’t. She’s not entitled to this house, so she cannot legally change the locks or try to prevent the children from entering.
That’s the legal side. But on the practical and moral side, my heart hurts for her because it’s so unfair. It’s unfair that she spent 18 years contributing money to this house, investing her time and life, and now she’s getting nothing in return—being kicked out like a bad tenant. And she’s not.
So what’s the moral of this story? Obviously, hindsight is 20/20. If they had come into my office earlier, we would have talked about creating an estate plan—having a will or a trust that said, “Upon John’s death, this house goes to Jane 100%.” She could then decide what to do with it and, upon her death, decide whether it went to her children, his children, or both.
I would have protected Jane. I would have protected John’s wishes. I don’t think John wanted his house and all his assets to go to children he hadn’t talked to in years. It’s a really sad situation.
Cohabitation is fine, but be aware of your rights. Be aware of what happens if one of you passes away or even becomes disabled. Talk about it.
If you never want to get married and you just want to cohabitate, that’s fine—but let’s have an agreement. Let’s have a cohabitation agreement. Let’s create trusts for both of you. Let’s write down your wishes so that others in your circle don’t unexpectedly end up with your house or your money.
It’s really important. Had they been married, yes, 100% of everything would have gone to Jane. Marriage makes a difference. People say, “Oh, it’s just a piece of paper.” It is—but in the legal world, it’s a *big* piece of paper. You have rights when you have that piece of paper. When you’re just living together, the law does not recognize that relationship.
So it’s something to think about.
Please give us a call if this sounds like your situation and you’re now panicking about what would happen if your partner passed away. Let’s talk it out. Let’s have an honest conversation about what your wishes are.
And remember—wishes can change over time. What you want today might not be what you want a few years from now. Let’s reassess every few years because life happens, and we can always make adjustments while you’re alive and competent.
Again, this is Maritess Bott. I hope you learned a little something today. Please give us a call if you have any questions or want to make an appointment. Hope you have a fabulous day.
Thanks.
[Music]
